The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to
use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the
proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said,
"I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good
morning madam. I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith
cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a
specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and
have a seat."

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one
on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the
living room floor is fun too... you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry
and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six
or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, my, that's a lot of..." gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love
to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed
with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered. The photographer opened
his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus."

"Oh my gawd!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to
get the job done right. People were crowding around four and
five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
amazement.

"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours,
too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling, I could
hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to
rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on
my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on
your um... equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my
tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??"

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big for me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? Good Lord,
she's fainted!!"