At long last, here are some
NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her aging gracefully.

1. Bifocals Barbie.
Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
(half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha
Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet
red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with
handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie.
As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with
teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie.
Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news
on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely
taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the
pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with
a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying
off as Barbie dusts
off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes
with minivan in
robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit
punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change,
and Alonzo (her personal
trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping
in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes
a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199..99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car,
and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the
ultimate party girl. Now
she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's
going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and
a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes,
forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of
Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels.
Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In
Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.